The Final Countdown

Last chemo completed? Check.



Taking post-chemo steroids? Check and aggravating me.



Neupogen shots to aid in white blood cell production? Begins tomorrow.



Post-slump neuropathy? Will occur a few days after the slump.



The post-chemo charade is ridiculous and annoying all at once. However, I’ve become so accustomed to it, I could probably predict the following: the exact count of my white blood cells depending on the time of day, when my steroid-induced acid reflux will occur, and when I will begin to hurt all over in the slump, to the hour, later in the week.



I have this “grin and bear it” attitude firmly in place this time around, mostly because the uncertainty of all this is gone, and I’m ready to just be done with it.



No lie that cancer sucks.



However, I’ve learned some random things about post-chemo treatment that I will share:



1. Coffee makes my steroid-addled self sleepy. Go figure.



2. The cute little final bag of chemo drugs is bright red and makes my face and chest turn the same color for a few days. It looks as though I have a heat rash. This is after I’ve peed orange soda color for 24 hours. Most attractive.



3. Prednisone, the precious steroid I have to take, causes my stomach to have acid reflux. I take acid reflux medication, which makes my stomach upset. It also makes me alternately tired and wired. Vicious cycle.



4. There are approximately 500-750 lymph nodes in your body, depending on the individual. During the post-chemo slump, they all decide to swell and have a riot. This also makes me want to sleep a full day to make up for the sleep I didn’t get while on the steroid. Most damning.



5. When the slump is over and the neuropathy has kicked in, I wear tight hospital socks to bed so I can’t feel the tingling in my toes. I have officially become a grandma.



6. When the neuropathy is finally over and I’m aware that I can feel my phalanges again, I kiss the floor because I’m so grateful it is all over.



There was a point when I would add “until next time,” but there is so much relief that this is not something I get to say this time around.



The weary smile has been replaced with the blissful smile.