Hot flashes for heat waves

The blistering hot days of Texas summer are in full swing and, in the afternoon, I stay inside wondering why the government doesn’t legally require siestas.

The persistent heat, with its requirement of minimal clothing and risk of sunburns, makes me all too aware that my body is mottled with the shadow dots of injections, blood tests, biopsies, and anemia-induced bruises. These are the days when I notice that my skin is so fair, that blue veins just appear in the weirdest of places. The small coincidence is that these veins do not appear on my arms where the blood tests occur. I recall telling the technician at the oncology center that I have a lot of veins in my feet. She just laughed and said: “I don’t want your feet!”

My face and neck are rouged from hot flashes just like a pre-menopausal woman. A glisten of sweat appears on my forehead and if my mother is near me, she asks: “You had another one, didn’t you?”

I suppose I could look at it like a welcome change to the “could-be-an-extra-in-a-post-apocalyptic-zombie-flick” look that comes with chemo-induced anemia.

Though people have been very nice to tell me that I don’t look sick.

Thank goodness for makeup?

Also associated with these hot flashes, my sleeping pattern is seemingly derived more so from hysteria than comfort, though it might be a combination of the two.

I have a large bed with 3 pillows. One pillow is for my head and there is a pillow on either side of me. I tend to roll over and hug one pillow to fall asleep. In the middle of the night, I will have a hot flash that will cause me to want to roll over and hug the other pillow because that side of the bed has the AC-cooled sheets.

At this point, the sweat and newly warm side requires me to roll back to the other side, where I attempt to start the sleeping process again. If I have indeed decided to stay asleep on my right side, I become uncomfortably aware of my port and then I have to maneuver the pillow between my arms and under my chin so that there is less constriction.

Better right?

Wait, there’s more.

Meanwhile, I am simultaneously kicking down the sheets and blankets because the layer of sweat on my body is gluing me to the mattress. At this point, I will flop over to my stomach or back (depending on where I began sleeping) in exasperation to let the overhead fan dry up the excess moisture.

And now I am cold. So, I pull the sheets and blankets back up over my head and begin the pillow rotation insanity all over again.

At some point, I will check my cell phone for the time and typically I’m elated to know that there are only a few more hours of this nonsense until I’m to get up at 4:40 am.

By the time my phone alarm wakes me, I’m not entirely sure I got any sleep at all. However, my cat is all too happy to prompt me out of bed, gently at first, and then firmly. By this, I mean that he tests nerve functioning by biting the closest human extremity to him. I can tell you with confidence, with these daily tests, that I do not have full-blown neuropathy.

I get up, glad that it’s not light out yet, but always surprised when locking the door to the house as I’m leaving for work, that it’s already too warm.

These days, I live vicariously through the air temperatures, my body temperatures, and levels of exposure to sunlight.

Autumn, my favorite season, cannot come soon enough.